When you’re part of a family – your own family: significant other and kids – your life isn’t really your own. You can take all the ‘personal days’ and ‘self care time’ you want, but let’s be REAL – you live for them. Especially as a mother of young children, I can tell you: my life was not mine. Sure, I got to the gym 3 days each week (at 5am, cuz everyone was still sleeping) and ran 2 days each week (again, at 5am). Trying to get to bed at a decent hour to get up for 5am workouts was a struggle. The kids bedtime would run late. There would be more chores to do, lunches to prep, laundry to fold, etc. My husband would say, “Is it my turn (for you) now?”
*sigh
I did (get to) run with a group on Saturday mornings; that was the only time I didn’t “do my fitness” at the crack of dawn. And I was definitely expected back home as quickly as possible. If I took “too long”, I got questions. Doing an actual event was a big thing: I had to get a sitter, and I had to make sure there was food prepped/ planned, and again – I had to be home as soon as possible.
*sigh
Now I get every other weekend to myself. Along the way I’ve settled into a routine – on my Friday nights without kids, I DO NOT plan anything with anyone. Not at all. Sometimes I catch a yoga class, sometimes I get dinner by myself, most times I just sit home, sometimes I run errands… but I do all/ any of it with NO obligations to anyone. I refuse, plain and simple.
It one of the single most important things I have done for myself in the past 9 months.
The best part? I don’t offer any explanations either. I simply tell people that I take every other Friday night to myself, no exceptions. And that’s it. Most people are quite supportive, and it’s amazing. After living 10 years of accounting for my time, all the time, the freedom of this is… absolutely beautiful.
I remember when I was a freshman in college, living on campus. I was only 1.5 hours from home, but I remember laying in the grass outside my window one day – sun shining on my face – and it hit me: if I didn’t go to class, they weren’t going to call my parents. (I did go to class; I was one of those obnoxiously perfect students.) No one was keeping tabs on me. I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and there wasn’t anyone watching over my shoulder. It was … LIBERATING. It brings a smile even now, as I remember that feeling.
My every other Friday nights have become that same thing. Heck, my every other weekend is, really. Many times I don’t make any plans at all, and it’s perfection ☺
If I want to walk around naked, I walk around naked. If I want to listen to the same song over and over, I go ahead and listen. If I want to sing, I sing. If I want to crank the heat, up it goes. If I want to open the windows, my cats are happy 😊 I don’t have to explain. I don’t have to even rationalize it for myself – I just do what comes, as it comes. Some times I accomplish a lot, and other times I accomplish very little. If I don’t accomplish much, I make sure to not beat myself up about it 🙏🏻
This past weekend I spent some time creating a couple of mandalas out of flowers and other nature items I found in the backyard. I sat in the sunshine, bare feet in the grass, and just created. It felt amazing. At one point, I even bent down to smell the grass and just let my face sit in it for a while. I love when spring starts to really take off 😍 I did a tarot spread and played music on my phone. I meditated for a bit. At one point I thought to myself “I wonder if the neighbors can see” … and realized, I don’t care! They’re gonna have to get used to me doing weird things 🤣
In all that, I took my time. I didn’t care how long it took – it was important to me. That was Sunday. There were dishes to do at the time, and laundry to fold…. oh well. My productive day was Saturday: cleaned all the floors in the house. Phew! It felt just as good as being out in the yard – at the time, it was important to me. So I got it done 👍
Such is my life these days. I do what I want, when I want. Please don’t get me wrong – I take care of my kids, of course. And many times, what I want to do includes playing video games or nerf wars with my 8 year old, no matter how many chores are waiting. Sometimes I do tell him “not tonight” because I would like to relax or there’s just to many other things that really need my attention. It’s all about balance.
And about not just honoring myself, but putting myself *first – especially when the time is my own – for the first time in a very long time 😘
