Honestly, I took this picture and wrote the text of this 4 days ago. I was sitting on the couch and this was right next to me. I knew it was an opportunity to write, to try to explain some of what goes through my head – not only mine, but I’m sure a lot of other people like me. We may never speak these things aloud, but they are there. They drive why we do what we do, and how it feels when we can’t do them.
~~~~~
There’s things, you see. Things everywhere. Little things, out of place, and they drive me crazy. That orange ball? Not supposed to be there. That belongs in the bin in Kid #1’s room. The blue plastic column? That’s a piece from U Build It Monopoly, which is downstairs with all the other board games. The car? Kid #3’s room. The pen? The pen spot in the “junk” drawer in the kitchen. The bear goes into a Xmas decorations, that I put away with the Elf. Gotta dig that out, restore Xmas decoration, and put with the other decorations. There’s all *those to take down/ put away yet. The book is mine, goes upstairs. The candy canes, probably trash.
#sigh
I could do all these things in a matter of 10-15 minutes. *IF* I could stay on task. Likely I’d find other things along the way, and it would take closer to a half hour, and I would accomplish more than just those 6 things. The problem is, I can’t stay on task. There’s 2 reasons for this:
1) I’m a pinball
2) the other people in my house.
I love my kids. I really do. But I never get peace. I don’t often get a CHUNK of time in my house alone, to accomplish a CHUNK of stuff. There’s always somewhere to go, someone to feed, some chore to be done.
So these things sit. And I can feel them – yes, really, I *feel* them. And they drive me crazy.
I’ve tried timeblocking. It worked for a bit. I’m going to try again. I need to be strict, with myself more than anyone. It’s going to take focus. It’s going to take a “no excuses” approach. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll get … and the point is also to take care of myself better. How the ….??
#sigh
So guess what? I decided to pick up my phone and type this out, vs doing anything about those 6 things. Cuz lately, those 6 things feel like 6 million, and it’s exhausting. So even though I can feel them, do I want to do anything about them? HECK. NO.
#sigh