I went running with my #runnerslife friends today, and it was tough. BUT, I did it. And during a certain stretch, I remember thinking to myself, “If I weren’t already strong, I would’ve quit 5 times by now,” That is, mentally strong. Cuz sure, physically it was tough cuz I’ve been slacking off lately. But it was even more mentally tough, cuz lately I just don’t want to do anything.
I realized though – there is ONE thing I really really REALLY don’t want to do, and that is: quit.
You see, all of this “Seasonal Affective” would be WAY worse if I did quit: that is, if I fighting it completely and really let myself fall into it. I’ve been leaning into it just a bit, taking the “time off” and letting myself check out – but only just a bit. If I really quit fighting it, I’d have gone off the deep end weeks ago.
But I won’t. Not this time… and not the other times either.
This isn’t the first time I’ve found myself on the brink. It’s just the first time I’ve talked about it.
Every time, I realize there’s a voice, a voice way down deep, screaming at the top of her lungs: “DON’T! Don’t you dare give up, don’t you dare give in, this is NOT. YOU.”
And she’s right.
So… here we go. Tomorrow is MY Day 1 of 2020. Time to get back in the saddle, and get back to being me. I don’t pretend it’ll be easy, cuz I know it wont. I’ve got some hella detoxing to do. BUT… I also DO know how amazing it feels to feel badass, and I’m ready to get back to THAT 😁
